An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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