Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
