I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
