dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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