32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
