I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
then he tried to convert me to islam
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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