I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
