is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
