I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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