I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
