last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
