Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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