I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
