Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
