last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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