even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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