All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
