I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
