I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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