I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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