nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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