I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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