I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
