why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
