just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
