I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
