end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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