im about as happy as oj after his trial
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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