i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
