glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
