I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
