i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
