he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
