I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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