I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
