i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
