I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
