ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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