i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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