I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
