why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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