Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
