It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
