dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
