you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
