its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have post one night stand depression
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