Dual....:-)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
