He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
