i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
