Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
